This was the slogan of the british government during WWII when Germany was actually bombing their cities. Compare that to the American rhetoric of the last few years:

• SARS will kill you! BE AFRAID
• The Bird Flu will kill you! BE AFRAID
• OBAMA’s death panels are coming for Grandma! BE AFRAID.
• The Muslims are coming to kill you! BE AFRAID.
• The New Black Panthers are coming to kill you. BE AFRAID.
• Mexicans are beheading people in the desert! BE AFRIAD.

Detect a pattern? Authoritarian governments and their agent constantly menace the public with imaginary and ginned up threats, but when things actually get out of hand, they switch to trying to keep us calm.

For more than a week now, the Japanese government has urged its people to stay calm as, while grave, the situation is under control. Think about that.

Dear Megan,

It seems to me that you are fixing to drag the Republican Party kicking and screaming into the 21st Century. For this I applaud you. However, the Republican Party consists of a precarious alliance between the Party of Lincoln (social progressives / fiscal conservatives) and the Party of Limbaugh (lunatics). To succeed in your endeavor, you will have to take the former to war with the latter.

To truly win, you will have to understand why many people in Canada and Europe, and many educated people the world over, view The Democratic Party as a group of conservatives, and the Republican Party as a group of fascist theocrats. You seem like a very bright young woman. I strongly recommend that you read The Shock Doctrine, by Naomi Klein. When you understand why Klein calls Republicanism a mental disease, you will have a much better chance at clearing a way forward.

–Kavan Wolfe

Let’s hope she actually reads her email.

I want the freedom to…

believe whatever I like
lock up crazy people

say whatever I like
incite hate against women, muslims, jews, blacks, hispanics, gays and anyone else I don’t like

hire whoever I want
be judged for a job based on my qualifications, not my skin color

keep my private life private
know whatever I feel like knowing about everyone else

live without fear of violence
buy as many guns as I want

smoke and drink if I feel like it
lock up crackheads and potheads

smoke in bars, airports and restaurants
keep second hand smoke away from my asthmatic kid

drive a hummer
breath clean air

educate my children however I want
not be held responsible if I can’t control my kid

eat whatever I want
not pay for the medical care of fat people

market my products and innovations in the most effective way possible
not be lied to by salespeople

vote for whoever I want
have my country lead by the best possible leader

live wherever I like
keep people I don’t like out of my neighborhood

live by my values
prosecute people who live by different values

marry whoever I want
share a husband with other wives

Freedom is a relationship between a person, an action, and a government. You are free to do X if your government has not made X illegal. Freedom of speech is good. Freedom to buy slaves is bad. This constant rhetoric about “threats to freedom” and “free societies” is complete nonsense. The so-called clash of civilizations is a confrontation between the people who think human rights are bullshit, and the people who think only Americans are human. They’re both wrong. They’re both criminal.

Now, mainstream media, please stop oversimplifying the nuanced value-system conflict between western and arab cultures into a dual straw-man about freedom and not freedom.

In case you haven’t heard, Olympic swimmer and possible comic book mutant Michael Phelps recently lost his Kellogg’s endorsement and fired up a whole shit-storm of pointless controversy because of a picture taken at a college party showing Phelps hitting a bong like the lost third member in a Cheech and Chong trio. Hey, makes sense, right? Such a health-conscious company as Kellogg’s can’t be seen promoting some sickly stoner – that won’t sell Special K to healthy moms, will it?

Just look at these drugged out losers. Hey, the 60s are over, hippies!

Well, no, it doesn’t really make any sense at all. It’s completely retarded, in fact. Let’s not even get into the debatability of all the supposedly terrible effects of marijuana, or the fact that it’s probably not that terrible for you if Michael Phelps – the same guy who won eight fucking gold medals, folks! – likes to smoke it at parties.

You know what is really bad for you, though? Sugar. It’s pretty terrible for you when you eat it in the amounts we do in America, and can lead to all sorts of health problems: obesity, diabetes, heart problems, just to name a few. And hey, you know who one of the biggest dealers of sugar is? Ding ding ding, you guessed it! Diabetes is gr-r-reat!

You know what the second ingredient listed in Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes is? Sugar. The fourth ingredient is high fructose corn syrup. Mmm, sounds like a fine company to look down their nose on those gross, unhealthy, medal-winning potheads.

Speaking of syrup, here’s another wonderful Kellogg’s product:

The breakfast of champions: syrup and sugar-patties. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean waffles.

This is also the same company that produces a host of cookies, sugary snacks, and of course, the staple of every successful athlete’s diet: chocolate banana split Pop-Tarts.

Now, am I saying that marijuana is totally healthy? Of course not – you’re inhaling smoke. But considering obesity is one of the biggest killers in America, while marijuana trails behind at position… wait, marijuana isn’t even on the list? Well, shit. But, hey, lung cancer is on there! Maybe Kellogg’s is on to something after all.

You know what makes this whole situation even worse? Phelps has issued several public apologies for his “regrettable actions.” That’s bullshit, Phelps – you’re a goddamn Marvel mutant, why are you being a bitch? It’s none of Kellogg’s business whether an athlete they endorse smokes pot – once again, if it was that damn bad for you, he wouldn’t have won eight medals. Or is it the criminality that is an issue? If so, wait for him to be convicted of something (hint: he won’t be).

Phelps has nothing to apologize for. In fact, Mr. Phelps, I’ve got a suggestion for your next scandalous picture when you’re hanging out with all your stoner buddies. Why not get a nice close-up of you taking a dump on a box of those chocolate banana split Pop-Tarts? If you need a little help with that, I hear Special K is just loaded with fiber.

The major implication of this is that infrastructure and food stamps are significantly more effective means of stimulus than tax cuts. Therefore, the stimulus bill should include only infrastructure and food stamps spending, and no tax cuts.

Now, MSNBC and Co. are screaming that Republican attempts to trade more effective spending for less effective tax cuts smacks of insanity. I have two comments on this:

First, The whole idea of creating a law by negotiating is insane and doomed to failure. A stimulus package is a socio-technical artifact that needs to be rationally designed based on facts.

Second, where the hell did these numbers come from??? I spent the last hour trying to find out how Moody’s came up with these numbers and I can’t even find the original report? Did they pull them out of their collective ass or what? This brings me to my second point: freedom of the press notwithstanding, society needs to hold the media to two very important (and related) standards. First, no lying. Ever. That includes Hannity. Second, I think we need to regulate the way information is sourced. Saying, ‘according to Moody’s economy.com’ is nearly useless. You can never get away with this in scientific writing and for good reason. News organizations must be required to provide sufficient information to actually find the reports they refer to. This is the only way to stop the distressingly common phenomena where some asshole makes something up, which is then picked up by more and more blogs until some network reports it, and before you know it, millions of people think Obama is a radical muslim.