The War On Bullshit

A lot of folks are watching the escalation in terrorism along the Pakistani-Afghani border, the growing tension between Iran and Israel, and the pronounced anti-Americanism the world over, and they fear war. There is a movement of doomspeakers who believe our end is coming - or at least some turbulent years - where we will be forced to continue fighting in the Middle East.

I’m not one of them. Here’s what I’m afraid of: innovation. I don’t fear us being attacked by disorganized fundamental religious nuts from the desert; I fear a much quieter and more subtle threat. America may fall, but it won’t be through force of arms; we’ll just be left in the dust technologically and then methodically bought out by Eastern Asia. Don’t believe me? Here’s a few reasons why Eastern Asia, in particular China, will own your ass soon.

4. Eastern Asia has more meat.

They simply have so many people in parts of Eastern Asia, that they don’t have to worry about preserving the life and good health of their workforce. They can just replace them. Same goes for military might. Allied military leaders during World War II thought the Russians were bad, sending legions of cannon fodder until the bodies just piled up and they had to climb over them to keep attacking. There are enough people in China that their top 25% in just about any field outnumber the U.S. and Canada combined. There’s no shortage of muscle and meat in the Far East.

3. China has a lot of damn money.

To give you an idea, here’s the top four economies in the world: the United States, Japan, Germany and China, in that order. But here’s the difference between China and the the rest of us: they are rapidly growing. While the United States’ GDP has continued steadily to grow in small increments, China’s GDP growth in 2007 was 11.4%, compared to our 2.2%.

There is also the concern of public debt. The US owes about 9 trillion dollars to the rest of the world, mainly China. I’m not as strong on economics as Kavan, perhaps, but these are disturbing trends to see. China expands, while we stagnate. Wonderful.

2. We are a bunch of lazy hedonists who have forgotten how to do anything.

Just think about this: Steve in Oklahoma thinks guitar is real damn cool. He goes to a friend’s house, picks up his guitar, and realizes whoa, this crap’s hard. I’m not gonna learn this. Instead, he gets his parents to buy him Guitar Hero and becomes a master of the little-plastic-Fisher-Price-pseudoguitar-thingy. Meanwhile, in China, Steve’s counterpart isn’t playing guitar or Guitar Hero. He’s probably working in the factory that produces Guitar Hero, making the brainrot American kids consume on a daily basis.

How many 16-year-olds do you see anymore working to pay for their car, or trying to save money to go to college in a few short years? Not too damn many. Half our citizenry doesn’t ever have a source of employment before finishing their B.A. - paid for by mommy and daddy.

This is not the case in Eastern Asia. Reading census data from the People’s Republic is an interesting thing; one thing you may notice is that when the labor force is examined, it is from age 15 and up. That’s because 15 is the age these people start working. I’m not for shipping our kids off to the mines at 12, but you know what? Take away the video games, make them mow the damn lawn, and for God’s sake don’t give them some stupid idea that they should never have to work before graduating college.

1. Wal-Mart is gonna sell us out.

When was the last time something you bought at Wal-Mart said “Made in America” on it? Probably a long time ago, since about 70% of products sold at Wal-Mart are made in China. According to another report, Wal-Mart has exported about 1.5 million jobs to China. How are they an American company? So one of our country’s largest employers isn’t even remotely American anymore, great. You might think I’m a nutso conspiracy theorist, but picture this and tell me it’s not frightening: straw rice-field hats on smiley faces.

We all know about cops abusing their Tasers. Well, it seems someone decided to give one Louisiana officer a taste of his own medicine.

In Natchitoches, Louisiana, an unnamed officer was Tasered with his own ‘nonlethal’ weapon - though I’m sure while he had 50,000 volts burning through him he was crapping his pants and wondering just how nonlethal these things really are, in light of past police brutality cases involving the stun guns. It appears that the suspect, Marcus Slaughter, made an attempt at running away, and the dedicated officer caught up to him. Bad idea.

Slaughter disarmed the officer and Tasered him with the weapon. This guy is my new hero - if he wasn’t a drug-addicted, lunatic redneck, I mean. It appears codeine dealers are good for something, though.

Seriously, though, what do cops expect? There was a time when running from the cops was dumb as hell - it’s what got you beat down, Mr. T-style. Now, though, it’s the folks who are already in custody, handcuffed, that the cops decide to brutalize.

Now, it almost feels more sensible to fight back. Screw getting beat up without a fight. Taze the cops.

Maybe those of you not living in caves have heard that there’s been quite a bit of questioning of presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama’s patriotism. That’s right: Americans just aren’t sure Barack Obama is patriotic enough. This all started with the matter of an American flag lapel pin which Obama refused to wear, saying it was “a substitute for true patriotism.” You can check out his response here.

Obama’s definition of patriotism aside, I don’t care to hear politicians talk about how patriotic they are because it’s a terrible trait in a nation’s leadership. You don’t have to agree, but you’re wrong. Here’s a few reasons why:

5. Patriotism and Nationalism are the same damn thing.

First off, let’s take a look at how Webster defines a few terms regarding love of one’s country.

patriotism, n. devoted love, support, and defense of one’s country; national loyalty.

nationalism, n. 1. devotion and loyalty to one’s own nation; patriotism. 2. excessive patriotism; chauvinism . . . .

So why the negative connotation placed on the word “nationalist,” while we in America spend so much time wondering if our elected officials are patriotic enough? What is the difference between these two concepts? The answer is: nothing. There is no difference. It is the difference between a freedom fighter and a terrorist. They are a nationalist if they are foreigners; they are a patriot if we share the same nationality. The difference between patriotism and nationalism is one of perception, so let’s call a spade a spade. What the Patriot Patrol are looking for is a nationalist President.

4. Nazism Nationalism Patriotism blinds leadership to the faults in their own country.

You’re probably asking, “what’s your point, Riley? We’re not here to read about semantics.” The point is: nationalism makes leaders blind. Nationalism blinds citizens to the problems in their country. It is patriotism that makes the Constitution virtually a holy text, to remain unquestioned and untainted 220 years later. Oh, sure, it’s a living document, right? We’ve got amendments. If your kid brought home a science book from school that was written in 1787, would you really give a rat’s ass how many editions the book has had? Yet we hold the Constitution to a different standard than our children’s education - because it’s unpatriotic not to.

3. Patriotism is often used as a political red herring.

Much like the discussions of Obama’s lack of patriotism in the media, a candidate’s patriotism is often used to distract the American public from meaningful discussion about issues that face the country. Ask most Americans if they’re familiar with what Obama’s stance is on the issues; it’s far more likely they’ll tell you they know all about how unpatriotic he is. Bush’s entire regime is based on his cowboy patriotism. Rather than accept questioning and criticism of his presidency, he urges Americans to wave the flag blindly, and labels his critics as unpatriotic.

2. Patriotism leads to bigotry, isolationism, and xenophobia.

All one must do is look around America to see the paranoia, bigotry, and fear spread by an increase in patriotism. As our President urged the nation to be more patriotic, we also learned not to trust anyone who wears a turban or burqa. As we waved our flags, we learned to hate anything from the Middle East (except maybe their gasoline). We even renamed French fries because of our patriotism. We’re taught early on to despise anything stemming from socialist ideology because derivatives of Marxism are unpatriotic and downright un-American.

1. Perhaps most important of all… Adolph Hitler and Josef Stalin were patriots of the highest degree.

I really have nothing more to add to this. Hitler’s propoganda machine was one of the best in the history of the world, and it was eerily similar to Bush’s ‘wave the flag’ mentality. Think about it.

Conclusion: America Doesn’t Need a Patriot

America does not need a patriot in the White House. We’ve seen in George W. Bush what patriotism gets you: a leader with blinders on, who thinks his nation has some moral authority over the rest of the world. America needs a leader with the ability to question and critique the policies of our nation, who can bring together the right minds to guide our nation, and who can look at what others in the world do better than us and learn. The last thing we need is someone who already thinks we’re better at everything. Now, whether Barack Obama is the man that can do that is up for debate. But that is what the debate should be.

However, if we are going to be so concerned with the patriotism of our leaders, I’d like to recommend a new symbol of nationalism for our politicians to wear in place of the American flag lapel pins…

How’s this for patriotic, Faux News?