Take No Prisoners

Author Archives: rileyfirth

American Corporatism: An Abridged History

There is an idea that is pervasive in American capitalism that entrepreneurs are the great producers, great men who move the Earth through intelligence, perseverance, and creativity. You can hear it echoed from Ayn Rand to Ted Nugent: the executives are the people who produce and keep the world moving, while the knuckle-draggers shuffling to […]

The Corporate Whipping Boy

As I watch the situation with AIG and Congress unfold, I can’t help but think about the nature of corporations, and what will happen to people like Edward Liddy – the CEO who authorized $4 million bonuses for the executives in charge of the insurance company despite the failure of the corporation. Is it really […]

There’s a village in India missing its idiot

So, I’ve got a secret for you this week. Don’t tell the Republican Party, but Bobby Jindal is a big douche. If you don’t know who Bobby Jindal is, he’s the governor of the shit-tastic state of Louisiana, and also apparently the future of the GOP. The first-generation American from the deep south was chosen […]

BREAKING NEWS: There’s More to the Constitution Than the Military

It’s no wonder I sometimes think that anyone with an (R) after their name is a blithering idiot. As usual, in my daily goal of picking a fight with at least one conservative, I was exposed to the stupidity of some conservatives’ views on government, when I was informed that the only roles of the […]

The American Work Ethic: Destroying Families for Decades

I recently had a discussion with a conservative acquaintance of mine about the nature of public assistance programs – him arguing that they are inherently evil, while I, of course, argued that they are absolutely necessary if a nation is to consider itself civilized. And of course, the issue that came up is what is […]

Tony the Tiger loses blog endorsement

That’s right, Tony the Tiger, you read that title right. Consider this your notice: I am officially cancelling my endorsement of all Kellogg’s products – not because of a picture your dick friends took, but because you’re an asshole. In case you haven’t heard, Olympic swimmer and possible comic book mutant Michael Phelps recently lost […]

Four More Reasons Why Your Kids Might Be Stupid

After a week or so of computer woes, I’m back, ready to take aim at the American education model once more. A couple of weeks ago, I observed a few fundamental flaws in the way we teach our kids. Here’s a few more crucial ways we make our kids, and our adults, stupid. 4. Not everyone […]

3 Reasons Your Kids Are Probably Stupid

Ever notice how ninety percent of the people you meet on a daily basis are fucking morons? It’s kind of a no-brainer to assume most of society will be functionally retarded if your entire educational system is broken, designed to produce perfect citizens, instead of developing a love of learning and fostering intellectual growth in […]

The American Way: Three Absolutely Backasswards Practices

Have you ever watched the news, read the paper, or sat through a high school class, and wondered why the hell people in America seem to do everything completely backasswards? I suppose it’s no surprise that we do things backwards in a country whose administration thinks an unprovoked invasion is a form of defense, but […]

Three Quotes That Prove Bush Can See the Future

As the world anxiously awaits the arrival of a new American president, welcome the ceaseless examinations of Dubya’s failed presidency: what will his legacy be? ask the reporters at CNN; I think historians will be kinder to him! cry the pundits at Fox; who the fuck is going to pay this douche to tour colleges […]