Take No Prisoners

There’s a village in India missing its idiot

So, I’ve got a secret for you this week. Don’t tell the Republican Party, but Bobby Jindal is a big douche. If you don’t know who Bobby Jindal is, he’s the governor of the shit-tastic state of Louisiana, and also apparently the future of the GOP.

The first-generation American from the deep south was chosen to offer to rebuttal to President Barack Obama’s address to Congress – often a speaking slot that signals the party has some interest in putting them up as a presidential contender, or, apparently as an alternative, a replacement for Mr. Rogers.


Gov. Bobby Jindal, delivering his rebuttal to President Obama’s address.

More telling still is that Gov. Jindal has visited seven other states in his quest to raise campaign funds – supposedly for a 2011 governor’s race in Louisiana, but you would think he’d have more luck winning a second term in his home state by not, say, being a dumbass.

A big bag of dicks. Completely unrelated.

What am I talking about? Oh, just that Jindal is a goddam lunatic, and here’s why…

1. It’s not a good idea to turn down unemployment money from the government when your industries are collapsing.

Bobby Jindal is among a handful of Republican governors debating refusing some or all of the stimulus money being sent out by the federal government. Specifically, Jindal does not want to accept the stimulus funds directed toward unemployment, saying it has a provision that would require Louisiana to raise taxes in the future to fund the expanded benefits.

Now, the fact that Louisiana pays some of the lowest taxes in the country aside… what the hell are you thinking, Jindal!? I could understand if Louisiana did not face a higher unemployment burden in the next year, but the mass layoffs happening around the state tell me that is not the case.

Alright, so you don’t like the stimulus plan, Jindal. Ideology aside, though, don’t you give a damn about your citizens? Apparently not, since you want to kill them, too.

2. Bobby Jindal wants to kill sex offenders.

That’s right. Bobby Jindal involved himself in a battle with the Supreme Court to keep a convicted child rapist on death row. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a big fan of child molestors, but expanding the list of crimes for which you can execute people is dangerous business, especially if you’re a nutjob conservative. The Supreme Court struck down that hope, so instead, Jindal pushed a bill to allow judges to sentence sex offenders to indefinite civil confinement – a slightly more reasonable sentence.

Oh, did I mention that he also signed a bill allowing for chemical castration? Alright, so the guy doesn’t give a shit about the unemployed, and he wants to kill or, barring that, castrate people. It can’t be much worse, right? But it is.

3. He can’t do math.

Seriously. At all. I mean, I haven’t looked at his school records or anything, but clearly Jindal doesn’t know dick about basic math, or he’d realize that cutting taxes while facing a budget shortfall is retarded, yet that seems to be his solution to the budgetary woes of the state.

Louisiana has a projected $1.3 billion budget shortfall in the upcoming fiscal year, so what does Jindal do? Propose extending tax breaks for the entertainment industry. Oh, but it’s okay, nevermind! He knows that will hurt the budget more, so he claims the lost $8 million will be made up by cuts in the budget (hint: education and healthcare, the two largest portions of the budget without protection under the state constitution). What do I expect, though? He’s the guy chosen to lead this bunch of lunatics, who also think cutting the source of state revenue is a good idea when the state has no goddam idea how to pay for the next year.


All that being said, I’d like to officially offer my support for Gov. Bobby Jindal’s presidential run on the Republican ticket in 2012. I mean, I’m not going to vote for him, but I’m telling you, Michael Steele, this is the guy your party wants. The GOP really need to get behind this guy. Really. The world doesn’t think you’re a bunch of dimwits enough already.