Take No Prisoners

BREAKING NEWS: There’s More to the Constitution Than the Military

It’s no wonder I sometimes think that anyone with an (R) after their name is a blithering idiot. As usual, in my daily goal of picking a fight with at least one conservative, I was exposed to the stupidity of some conservatives’ views on government, when I was informed that the only roles of the U.S. government are to provide for the military, and to fund public education.

Anyone with the audacity to question this interpretation of The Constitution is quickly shut down; I was once informed that I only need to “READ IT, BROTHER” in order to understand. That’s an interesting interpretation of a document that – in my copy of The Federalist Papers, which includes the Constitution – is twenty pages of dense text. So it took the brightest thinkers of the 1700s twenty pages to tell us the government is only supposed to protect the nation from attack, and make sure people can read? Maybe they should have hired a technical writer to dumb it down a bit if that’s what they were trying to get across.

Unfortunately, this lunatic pseudo-anarchist view of government is not restricted to the inbred squirrel hunters of the South. A recent article by Andrew Kline on The American Spectator outlines this same idea – that our founding fathers believed in a government which barely functions beyond the most basic responsibilities:

When thinking of our federal government, the first question is and always has been whether that government has too much power — that is, whether it is too big. Yesterday, Obama tossed that question aside in favor of building a government that “works.” The Founding Fathers would be aghast. The people should be, too.

Well, no, Mr. Kline, you’re just a dumbass. The Founding Fathers wouldn’t be ‘aghast.’ Don’t believe me?

WE THE PEOPLE of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this CONSTITUTION for the United States of America.

How interesting to find the words welfare, domestic tranquility, and justice right there in the opening paragraph of our governing text. I suppose I will end on one final quote for someone from my past: “READ IT, BROTHER,” you jackass.