Dear Herr Campbell,
I thought I would send you this letter, letting you know my thoughts and considerations on the matter of your son, one Adolf Hitler Campbell (we will get to your daughters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn later). I read the news story about the cake you were so unjustly denied, simply because you chose to honor your questionably ethical heritage by naming your son after a vicious dictator who committed acts of genocide, using propoganda to convince an entire nation that what they were doing was just.
I’ll be honest, Heath. Can I call you Heath? Anyway, Heath, I honestly didn’t really believe the story when I read it. It’s not that I couldn’t believe those awful fascists at the cake shop wouldn’t scrawl “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler (Campbell)!” in candles and icing across a sugary baked delight. It’s that I couldn’t believe what the fuck you named your kids. I just can’t believe what an idiot you are.
Don’t take this the wrong way, Heath, but you’re a fucking moron. So is your wife. Calm down, I’m not trying to rub you the wrong way, but let’s examine the situation.
Now, you say you are not racist. You’re just German, and you crazy Germans loved to acknowledge your heritage by naming your kids after wacky dictators and other black marks on European history.
The Campbell family having some ethnic guests over for dinner. Clearly not racist.
I hate to tell you this, Heath, but all the other German immigrants are on to you. They, like you, learned early on that the best way to beat American kids at checkers is to just confidently bend (see: break) all the rules, and when you’re called on it, say you’re playing German checkers. What I’m saying is, in a roundabout way, bullshit.
German checkers: exactly the fucking same.
And of course, there’s the daughters. Aryan-fucking-Nation – how do you explain that one, Heath? That’s not even a name. It’s just an excessively violent fraternity with a shitty website. And the other one, named after Himmler. Hitler makes sense, I guess – hey, he was in charge, he just did a shitty job, like naming your child after George W. Bush. But Himmler wasn’t even the boss. It’s more like making J. Edgar Hoover your kid’s name sake. Who does that?
Last known picture of J. Edgar Hoover.
But what’s really ridiculous about all of this, Heath, is that you’re fucking surprised when a store that decorates cakes for people’s weddings and birthdays tells you to goose-step the hell outta town. You know, I can accept that you’re a racist neanderthal, but you’ve got to expect people to treat you that way when you name your kid after a genocidal dictator.
So, to summarize, what I’m trying to tell you is that this is America, Heath. You can feel free to name your kids whatever you want, but you’d better expect someone to say fuck you.
And Heath, I know some of this is rough to read and it gets pretty personal, but there’s no hard feelings, I hope. I’m not trying to embarrass you with your stupidity, and that’s why I’m writing this as a personal letter between colleagues.
p.s. Oh. I’m also going to post it on the Internet.
| Comments | Published in | PREV | NEXT |
|---|---|---|---|
| 11 |
social issues Riley's Rants |
Mr. Campbell is a disgrace. His denials notwithstanding, the man is clearly a hardcore racist. No one has to respect racist or otherwise discriminatory behavior. The man is a slug, and should be salted. But how can he inflict these awful names on his children? Doesn’t he realize the children will be beaten regularly for the rest of their lives? I won’t hit a child, but some other child will. If I met an adult named Adolf Hitler, I would kick his ass. And as for the father, his own father should beat some sense into him.
Ah yes, the obligatory comparison of George W. Bush to Hitler. Ooh, he’s so incompetent. Or is it that he’s an evil calculating genius. It’s hard to keep straight… Lefties just can’t make up their minds. You had me until then. Mr. Campbell is a total and complete idiot, but you’re not far behind, sir.
@ghostdog, I have to admit, I’m not a violent person, but I do get the urge to punch anyone named Adolf.
@Toby, apparently Bush’s mark on education affected your reading comprehension abilities. There was nothing in the article saying Bush is an awful dictator (though, without the checks in place in our government, I am quite sure he’d be happy to assume that role). The comparison was between one leader who screwed a country over to another leader who screwed another country over. Us lefties don’t have a hard time making our minds up. Bush was a shitty president, end of story. He does not have the ability to rationalize, to lead, or to listen and accept innovation.
Riley, I really enjoy your rants and I had a good laugh here, but this one’s way below you. These people are out only for attention; I don’t believe for a second that they were surprised. They demanded their cake be inscribed to Adolf Hitler instead of to Adolf, and then made a grab for headlines complaining about it – and everybody seems to be giving them those headlines. They’re attention whores and white trash who can’t even spell Himmler (‘Hinler’? Seriously?). Let’s leave them alone under their rock and focus on the smarter, more powerful and more effective racist shitheads, eh? Shame for the kids, of course.
Way to go Riley. Immer forwaerts!!!!! I agree with M. These Vollidioten are simply seeking notoriety. When we rant, they can simply say “Look at how everyone is discriminating against us.” Kind of like Bush saying the war in Iraq is a good thing because we took down a bad man, even though we ostensibly went in there for something else. People need to be willing to take responsibility for their own stupidity.
By the way, with regard to the “shitty website,” you cannot even view anything beyond the start page unless you are an authorized user. Hmm. How curious. I suppose they have some things there that they do not want us to see.
@M and SFC Rath,
Great points, guys, and you’re absolutely correct. In the media, we have a tendency to focus on the little attention grabbers, and I’m guilty of it as much as anyone else.
This is Absoute Bullshit. Riley, you are absolutely right, and so is SFC Rath and M. Although by leaving a comment or rant behind, you just make something for someone else to complain about. By the way, Amereica: SUCK MY DICK.
Oh hey, look: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/01/13/2009-01-13_report_child_named_adolf_hitler_removed_.html
I wonder if they’ll get renamed in the bargain?
@M, wow! I certainly didn’t expect to see the kids taken from the home.
I’m just gonna take the initiative here and give the credit to this site.
Ironically this sort of blatant race-hate doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s so repugnant that if anything, it hurts its own cause.
The racism that really eats away at a country is not perpetrated by hick fucks. Truly damaging racist ideology masquerades as a factual portrayal of reality eg. the news choosing to report crime only when it is perpetrated by certain ethnic groups, without overt racial connotations.
I see this every time I watch the (Australian) news, and it breaks my fucking heart.