Take No Prisoners

More Proof Fundamentalists Can’t Read

As if it was needed, here’s a little more proof that the overly-religious are more prone to idiocy than other demographics. I don’t think it’s news to anyone that Wall Street is a mess right now; indeed, the nation and world are keeping a close eye on what is going on with the world’s economies. Well, one group of evangelists found a sure-fire solution: Cindy Jacobs says the answer is praying for God to fix it.

Wait, what? Who was it that said ‘God helps those who help themselves?’ I suppose that self-preservation doesn’t apply to the stock market, though, so Cindy Jacobs, after having a vision where God spoke to her (see: LSD) and told her to call his folks together to pray for the economy, did just that. She organized a Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies, and the group converged on Wall Street yesterday afternoon.

Now, the silliness of praying to mythological figures to fix the economy aside, here’s the best part. This is where they met:

You got it, folks. These Bible beaters met at a big-ass statue of a bull in the middle of the world’s financial headquarters… to pray for the economy. Now, I’m an atheist, but I’ve perused the Bible a time or two. Does anybody else remember that one minor scene, where Moses is just getting back from dropping a bunch of mushrooms and talking to God for a while? To make a long story short, he found the Israelites worshipping the statue of a golden calf, and got so pissed off he smashed the stone tablets that God apparently wrote the Ten Commandments on. On a sidenote, why can’t God just use papyrus like everyone else?

I mean, were Cindy Jacobs and her entire loyal flock of morons asleep during Sunday school? This is one of the most-referenced passages in the Bible, and these neanderthals don’t even see the symbolism of praying in front of a big golden bull? Well, I’ve decided to do a little praying of my own, just in case God does exist (boy, won’t I feel stupid if he does?).

I’ve decided to pray that Cindy “The Illiterate Bible Scholar” Jacobs and anybody who takes her seriously never reproduce, and I’m doing it in front of this statue:

Why this statue? Because if God can’t take care of idiot Christians, lions damn sure can.