Have you ever been in an argument with someone over some bullshit the U.S. government is doing (like invading sovereign nations), and the dipshit you’re debating tells you that you should be shipped off to some socialist/communist/Islamic/oppressive/European country? Next time that happens, maybe you should consider it a good idea and ship yourself off. Here’s five good reasons why being an expatriate American may just be better than being a U.S. citizen. Many of these points assume you’re not moving to some AIDS-ridden third-world country, and are expatriating to Canada or one of the many socialized nations in the European Union.
1. You’re less likely to be robbed, raped, beaten or shot.
Generally speaking, other developed nations have lower crime rates than we do, according to UN crime rate statistics. The United Kingdom, Denmark, and Finland are exceptions (as well as a host of crappy undeveloped nations) – these countries do have higher crime rates than the United States. Don’t worry, though, there’s still plenty of places that offer a safe alternative – most of the EU, for instance, or Canada, our friendly neighbors to the north. Hell, you could even move to Yemen or Russia if you’re just looking for a lower crime rate.
2. You won’t feel the gas crunch nearly as much.
I’ve already discussed in previous posts how other countries are not affected nearly as much as we are by the rising cost of gasoline. Sure, they pay even higher prices than we do at the pump; that’s why the first thing you do when you move is sell the damn car! Though there are big parts of Canada where this doesn’t hold true, chances are if you head across the big lake to Europe, you’ll find you don’t even need a car. In fact, in many cases, it’s a bigger inconvenience than it is a boon. It’s easier to take the incredibly efficient public transit, or even hop on a bicycle for the scenic route. Most countries in Europe are scooter-friendly, too, so you can look dorky but save a ton of money on gas by putting around on a Vespa. Imagine all the cash you could save right now if you could just stop taking your car to work – personally, I’d pocket an extra $160 a month, and I live within five miles of my job. Unfortunately, it’s only a dream for many living outside the major metropolises in the United States.
3. You won’t face the burden of listening to people talk about their faith.
Alright, so this is more of a personal benefit for rational atheists like myself. Being an atheist in Europe is pretty nice. Very rarely will a European confront you about faith. You won’t have some Bible-beater blaring a megaphone in your ear while you’re having a beer at Oktoberfest in Munich. Ask the Naked Cowboy if you can say the same about Bourbon Street.
However, the benefits of a secular state don’t just affect nonbelievers. Our very own founding fathers knew the wisdom of keeping church and state separate, though in practice they did not do a perfect job of implementing it. It prevents discrimination against both believers and nonbelievers; it does not allow the rights of one group of believers to take precedence over another group. Unfortunately, faith has become a major factor in U.S. elections. It’s doubtful a presidential candidate who did not profess Christianity could win any time in the foreseeable future.
Ironically, many EU nations to which you might expatriate do not have the same clause about separation of church and state which we follow in the United States. They’ve just managed to collectively not give a shit about religion for long enough that the same religious apathy has leaked into their public policy making.
4. Castles kick ass.
Let’s face it: the scenery matters. This is the reason I’m thinking Europe > Canada, assuming this whole Russo-Georgian conflict dies down in the near future. Castles seriously rock, and it would behoove you to live near one so you can see how awesome they are.
Ronneburg Castle, Hessen, Germany. It has a catapult on the other side, just in case you question how much ass it kicks.
5. You’ll live longer.
As if castles and a lower crime rate aren’t awesome enough reasons to leave America, there’s the higher life expectancy the United Nations report in many other countries. Canada, the UK, the EU – all have higher life expectancies. Meanwhile, the United States falls at number 38 on the list – just below Cuba and just above the bustling nation of Portugal. Seriously, people, Cuba does better than us on keeping people alive?
We can argue about the benefits of socialized medicine all we want to, rehashing every argument Michael Moore or Ronald Reagan could drum up for or against it, but the fact remains that folks tend to live longer in all those evil socialist countries to which conservatives so fervently wish to ship all us libs. Even if every perceived evil of socialized medicine is true, they’re still doing their job better than we are, if you consider that job keeping folks’ tickers ticking for longer.
Conclusion
Originally, I’d intended to keep this list down to five good reasons. Unfortunately for any American nationalists reading this, I came up with a lot more than five reasons, so we’ll save the next five for next week. Let’s just hope the Bush croneys don’t ship me off to Gitmo before I get around to posting them.
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Riley, posts like this are why you folks are featured on my blog.
As a peace activist in the 60s and 70s, I was confronted with “America, Love It or Leave It” countless times. And every time I responded with “OK. But I’ll need help with the ticket and the first month in the pension.” No takers. Damn.
I lived in Boston for 30 years. Now I’m in involuntary exile in North Carolina. I get various “Yankee go home” comments all the time. Still, nobody’s willing to put their money where their mouth is.
I imagine it must be pretty grim in Mexico (and several other places) to have so many folks fording the streams, climbing the wire, and suffocating under the floorboards to get up here. What are they thinking????????
I use a site called Webshots to get wallpaper for my machine. 90% of what I use are pictures of places like Budapest, Venice, Stuttgart, and Istanbul. Maybe I can’t touch (yet?), but I can sure look.
Hmmm . . . sorry to double dip. I just read that you may have writers join you here. I’m interested.
Riley, you’re so right! It’s really nice over here.
While I was reading yout post, two other reasons popped into my mind (in no particular order):
1. There’s no stinkin’ no-fly list in EU. You still have to show your ID and there’s this stupid bottles ban, but at least noone will prevent you from boarding your plane if you’re not trying to sneak a gun or something.
2. Assuming that you’re not a citizen of the country you’re moving into, you have no right to vote in this country. Which gives you a good excuse not to watch the news or, better yet, throw away your TV (you probably do not understand the local language yet, anyway.) The result – you have much more time to actually enjoy the castles and nature.
@Riley – I haven’t done any significant travel outside the US; however, I would imagine if I spent an extended period of time in any other developed nation, I could find something to bitch about. Something that just makes me say, WTF? I’m not sure utopia exist. Not to mention, “utopia” is a relative term. One persons paradise could surely be another person’s shit hole.
Onto your specific points.
1)”You’re less likely to be robbed, raped, beaten or shot.”
Unless you live in downtown Compton (or similar death zone) you shouldn’t go to bed worrying about these thing. If this is a big problem for you, stop molesting children and kicking puppies:)
2) “You won’t feel the gas crunch nearly as much.”
Hmm? I agree our country has done a shitty job in terms of mass transit. Even/especially in our big cities (Chicago, Dallas, LA) mass transit is really under utilized/developed outside of downtown areas. Odd, considering most people live in the surrounding suburbs. That being said, I wonder if other countries don’t have the same mass transit issues in rural areas?
As for scooters and bicycles, shit, I can’t get my girlfriend to go get the mail on a cold January day, let a lone go out to dinner on my scooter.
3) “You won’t face the burden of listening to people talk about their faith.”
If you don’t like it and you’re still listening, you’re doin something wrong.
4) “Castles kick ass.”
Yes they do. If you should ever have the misfortune of being in Owosso, Mi, look me up. I’ll be be more than happy to give you the grand tour of our castle:)
http://www.dupontcastle.com/castles/curwood.htm
5) ‘You’ll live longer.”
I think Woody Allen put it best ” You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
I just finished traveling through Europe last month and I can vouch for all five points that you’ve raised.
@Rick
RE: 1) see – that’s exactly the problem – you’re thinking in terms “acceptable to live areas” and “death zones”. I certainly can’t vouch for all european cities, but in those where I lived and visited, I’ve never heard of any places I should avoid because of the high crime rate.
RE 5) This point of yours is simply bullshit. Firstly, it is a proof by anecdote. Secondly, it assumes that the things that make you want to live are harmful for you. Which is only true for people who enjoy taking drugs (legal or not) or something else equally self-destroying.
@Alex – “1) see – that’s exactly the problem – you’re thinking in terms “acceptable to live areas” and “death zones”. I certainly can’t vouch for all european cities, but in those where I lived and visited, I’ve never heard of any places I should avoid because of the high crime rate.”
I don’t know about any European cities firsthand. I tried to do a little research on the subject (very little) by googling “European crime rates” and I didn’t find any credible/updated sources on the subject. The only thing I found were some old articles and blogs which stated Europe actually has a higher crime rate than the US. I don’t know.
My real point (minus the sarcasm) was that with the exception of some real bad cities, the rest of the country doesn’t live in fear of being robbed, murdered, raped…etc. Does it happen in other cites, sure it does. Just like you could be riding around on a bus in Canada and have your head cut off (and partially eaten.
“This point of yours is simply bullshit. Firstly, it is a proof by anecdote. Secondly, it assumes that the things that make you want to live are harmful for you. Which is only true for people who enjoy taking drugs (legal or not) or something else equally self-destroying.”
It wasn’t a point, it was sarcasm and offers absolutely no proof of anything (by anecdote or otherwise). As for the quote being “simply bullshit”, that would depend on one’s perspective. You’re certainly entitled to your own opinion; however, to simply dismiss something/anything as “bullshit” because it doesn’t conform to your way of thinking/living seems a little pious (IMO). I’m sure that quote is balls on for a lot of people(for whatever reason).
As for the ACTUAL statement, “You’ll live longer.”, I believe it.
OK, guys. Stop flaming.
I’ve traveled in Europe and Canada. It’s cleaner, safer, and more sophisticated. Period. I’ve learned to accept and/or ignore the occasional rudeness that occurs because I’m {gag} American.
Is there violence? Yes, but it tends to group violence, rather than individual crime. Stay away from roving gangs of crazies, don’t carry stuff in your pockets riding the tram, and for g*d’s sake, try to speak the fucking language.
Very quick story: I was in St Moritz, backpacking. At the hotel overlooking the racetrack. My companion and I clearly had been on the road. Everybody else in the lobby looked like they owned half the damn planet. Asked the concierge, in French, for the restrooms. He replied politely in English and asked if we needed someone to show us. We declined. He smiled and nodded. We did our thing, came back the same way. We said, “Merci”. He said, “Come back if you need to find something.”
In the states, we would have run into a “restrooms for customers only” sign.
My simple point here is that people in this country have no sense of society, propriety, tradition. We throw the words “bullshit”, “fuck you”, and “it’s a free country, I can do what I want” around without regard for much of anything or anyone. America just glitters and sizzles. Europe glows.
@Rick:
Sorry Rick, I’ve missed the grin on your face. If that was sarcasm, then I have nothing to object. I guess we’re in violent agreement
@Alex – No worries, have a good day!
[...] week, I gave a few good reasons to get the hell out of America. Originally, I’d intended to keep the list down to five, but why stop there? There are almost [...]