Take No Prisoners

Paris Hilton: From Porn Star to President

Well, I’ve finally found the presidential candidate for me, folks. I’ll give you a guess: she’s named after a city in France. You’ve probably already heard of the Paris Hilton response to a recent McCain ad criticizing Obama’s energy policy while showing images of Hilton and former pop star turned nutjob Britney Spears – both Obama supporters. If not, you can see the video here.

Now, I’ve never been the biggest Paris fan (what does she even do, other than third-rate porn flicks?), but at first glance her energy policy almost won me over. She offers a reasonable solution – not a dichotomy of ‘drill more’ or ‘find alternative energy sources.’ Instead, Paris says we ought to have limited drilling offshore while offering incentives for manufacturers to produce more hybrid vehicles. Holy crap, a common sense solution not driven by party ideology, but by examining the problem and coming to a reasonable idea to solve it?

Paris Hilton in the hottest mugshot ever. Is America ready for a bimbo president?

Now, that’s not to say her solution actually makes sense. Paris says we need to drill offshore to ‘carry us through’ until the technology developed; she probably doesn’t keep up with advances in technology any better than I do. It wasn’t until I saw these that I realized much of the technology already exists. Here’s another example. It’d make more sense to offer incentives for developers to produce these things for commercial use while developing vehicles that don’t rely on fossil fuels at all. And Hell, these things even look cool.

The Aptera prototype. Wouldn’t you feel like Judge Dredd driving this thing?

It wouldn’t take us much time at all to roll vehicles like these off the assembly line, while drilling more in, say, ANWR, would not produce anything for about another ten years. The truth is, we’d have the hybrids out before ever seeing any effect from drilling offshore.

Needless to say, I had a good chuckle and went about my day, until hearing the same fake ad pop up on ABC News on the local AM radio station – right alongside the legitimate campaign coverage on the news, ABC dropped in a few sound bytes from the Paris Hilton spoof ad. That’s when the horrific realization set in: what Paris Hilton has to say in some stupid online video is as legitimate and (apparently) important to people as what our candidates for the highest office in America have to say.

It’s a sad state the world is in when a spoiled brat turned amateur porn star has equally relevant input on our country’s affairs as the two men vying for the nation’s leadership. It tells me we’ve become so divided along party lines we’re unlikely to ever come to a reasonable, common sense solution to any of our problems. It took a couple of comedy writers with a bong one afternoon in a smoky room to come up with a reasonable solution to the energy crisis, however misinformed those writers were of the development of new hybrid technology. But it took unfounded outrage over Obama suggesting folks air up their tires for that candidate to edge away from the old Democrat-Republican dichotomy.

You know, now that I think about it, screw this. Maybe instead of voting for Paris Hilton, I’ll just move to Paris, France.

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