The War On Bullshit

This may come as a shock, but most people I know think that Americans are, in general, idiots. I don’t mean idiots in the technical sense of having low IQs, but in the everyday sense of not understanding basic ideas, not reflecting on one’s own hypocrisies and falling prey to blatant logical errors. Although smart Americans do exists (I know several), the majority are perceived, by the international community, to be about as deep and thoughtful as the plot of a Michael Bay film. Here are some reasons why:

1. Stopping people from bringing too much shampoo on an airplane when you can arm a militia at Walmart.

2. Choosing to waste the world’s resources, thousands of your dollars and years of your life sitting in your car, worrying about dying in a pileup and screaming at the bastard who just cut you off, instead of just living closer to work and taking the bus.

3. Being in favor of wars and against euthanasia, because people who want to die shouldn’t be allowed, but people who don’t want to die should obviously be killed.

4. Bill O’Reilly.

5. Other assholes who pretend to be journalists to advance their own radical viewpoints.

6. Calling any intelligent person who runs for office an elitist, because it’s clearly better to have an brainless alcoholic who knows nothing about the economy, foreign affairs, war or the environment run the country.

7. Wanting big house and lawns, only to complain about cleaning the house and mowing the lawn.

8. Allowing the country to be run by the National Fascist Party, who for marketing reasons call themselves “Republicans”

9. The position that America must have a huge nuclear arsenal to protect itself, but any other country who tries to build nukes to protect itself (from America, no doubt) is “a terrorist state.”

10. Fixed News, who call themselves “Fox News” and wage an unending war on reason while Pirate Lord Murdoch makes real journalists walk the plank.

11. Believe in talking snakes (Genesis), flying bodily up to Heaven, Women shouldn’t wear gold or pearls (Timothy 2:9), don’t covet your neighbor’s slaves (Ten Commandments) and so on.

12. Anti-rationalism and anti-science – anyone who rejects ‘reasons’ and ‘evidence’ is based on this evidence, an idiot.

13. Reality TV

14. If you say something bad about Jews, you’re an anti-semetic racist fuckhead, but if you say something bad about Muslims, you’re patriotic. Meanwhile, the real-life Lord Dracula was an agent of the Pope.

15. Constantly yammering about how great America is when it’s only number one in carbon dioxide emissions and number of prisoners.

16. Thinking that people are evil because they fight back after you invade without provocation, topple their government and start building military bases throughout their land.

17. Thinking that buying lead-coated barbie dolls from china with money you borrowed from Japan will magically fix your economy.

18. Not noticing that all the “enhanced security measures” implemented by your government under the guise of protection are surely intended to control their own populace.

19. Being against stem cell research and vaccinating girls against HPV, because obviously the talking snake wants people to die of Alzheimer’s and cancer.

20. Believing that peace can be spread through violence as if life is an action movie and all Americans are played by Sly Stallone.

And finally,

21. If you are one of the 40 or 50 million Americans who can’t afford insurance, and your child gets leukemia, your little boy or girl will not get needed treatment and he or she will most likely die. But you still think that “socialized medicine” is somehow a bad thing, and besides, you’re too busy complaining about the price of a tank of gas.

One of the great myths of modern society is that happiness and success are somehow linked to the size of your home and the amount of worthless garbage that fills it. In a previous post, I listed the 32 benefits of owning less. But how does one simplify one’s life? Here are the 10 commandments of minimalism.

1. No impulse buying, period

Whenever you feel like buying anything, give yourself at least a week to consider whether its benefits outweigh not only the cost, but also the hassle of owning, maintaining, moving and one day replacing it, and the diminished freedom it represents. This also applies to free things – think long and hard about whether you really need it before taking it home.

2. Items should have many purposes

Obviously, if one thing can do two jobs, you need one fewer thing. One good chef’s knife will replace half the kitchen gadgets at Walmart.

3. Hire help

Instead of buying stuff to make your life easier (which often really complicates your life) pay people to do things for you. Do you really need a carpet cleaner to use once a year? Just pay professionals. For advanced minimalists: do you really need a washer and dryer? Try a laundry service. You don’t like doing laundry anyway!

4. Buy quality

One of the major benefit of minimalism is less time wasted maintaining and replacing your stuff. This benefit is eroded by low-quality goods, so buy things that last.

5. Live in a small home with no storage

Two reasons here: you won’t have to buy things you don’t need to furnish rooms you don’t use, and having no storage will force you not to keep things you no longer need, or should never have bought. As an additional benefit, you pay less for your home. In a related note…

6. Live in an apartment or condo, not a house

Living in a stand-alone building means you have a extra things to take care of, such as a lawn, driveway, garage, patio, etc. You need a shed-full of tools just to keep a typical house from disintegrating. If you live in a condo or apartment, someone else takes care of that crap. Do you really enjoy mowing your lawn, painting your patio, sealing the driveway and cleaning the garage? I didn’t think so.

7. Focus on the present

Never mind that you might use it in 5 years, it’s taking up valuable space and funds NOW. If you haven’t used something in the past year, get rid of it. For every fifty things you get rid of, you might only need 2 or 3 at some point in the future. If that time ever comes, just got a new one, or borrow one, or rent it, or buy it second-hand and then sell it again when you’re done.

8. Focus on experience

Life is about what we do, not what we own. When you’re old, you’ll remember the trips that you took, not the kind of shoes you were wearing. You’ll remember your wedding just the same whether you bought, borrowed or rented the silly costume you were wearing.

9. Avoid gifts

This is really the hardest part of being a minimalist. People don’t understand that you just don’t want that new thing, whatever it is, because you value freedom more than gadgets. Make it clear to your friends and family that you don’t like stuff. If they insist on getting you gifts, tell them you only like four kinds: cash, gift cards, experiences, and better versions of things you already have. If someone gives you a new watch, for example, don’t forget to give the old one away.

10. Be minimalistic in each purchase

For example, if you absolutely must buy a car, buy a small car. Yes I know that once a year you want to go on vacation with your whole family, and you need than 8-seater minivan to fit them all. Do you have any idea how much money you would save by driving a compact car 51 weeks a year, and just renting the van the other week? The fuel savings alone would more than cover the rental, let alone the money you save from the initial purchase. Big cars are not a sign of wealth, they’re a sign of social irresponsibility and stupidity.

The politically disgruntled and critical are often criticized as being negative and cynical, so for this week, I’ve decided to take a (semi)-positive look at the presidential election cycle – in particular, a glance at McCain’s environmentalism, however sporadically it may manifest itself. A true testament to the failed policies of past conservatives like Bush Sr. and Jr. is the sudden concern of Sen. John McCain on global climate change. In case you have not heard, McCain has for some time marketed himself as an environmental protector and an advocate for reducing carbon emissions in the United States.

It’s a great day in the United States when we’ve become liberal enough that a candidate from our conservative wing concerns himself with environmentalism, rather than the tired debate against environmentalists. Sure, I’ve got my problems with McCain – anyone who says he’ll stay in a war for the next two centuries has a few screws that need tightening – but it is inspiring to liberals to hear a conservative candidate for the presidency pledge to protect the environment, perhaps as much so as it is to have the first legitimate minority candidate nominated to represent the Democrats.

The Conservative Response

That being said, conservatives don’t seem to feel the same way. The purveyor of Republican propaganda, Rush Limbaugh, has gone on frequent tirades about the insanity of environmentalism. Conservative talk-show hosts have described climate change as a hoax and environmentalism as a mental disorder. Even the liberals are critical of his statements. After all, it’s hard to believe a candidate speaking in favor of environmentalism when that same candidate has a terrible 24 percent lifetime rating from the League of Conservation Voters. Which brings me to my next point…

The Problem: Politics or Conviction?

Unfortunately, as inspiring as it may be, it’s pure politics. Let’s keep in mind what McCain is trying to do here: be elected President. We should take his promises to protect the environment with a grain of salt. As George W. Bush focused on education, and southern Democrats are pro-life and vote to protect the Second Amendment, politicians have begun to realize they must attach themselves to at least one of the other side’s issues to be elected. How else would a candidate dupe the moderate Democrats into voting for a Republican this time around?

So, ye of the moderately liberal leaning, keep this in mind when you cast your ballots in November. Sure, McCain may institute his cap-and-trade policy to reduce carbon emissions, but when it really comes down to it, with whom will he side? If you want a history lesson, look at McCain in the mid-90s, when he sided with conservatives in undercutting the Environmental Protection Agency. If our next President is the esteemed Arizona Senator, don’t be surprised when he sides with big business over the Sierra Club.