Take No Prisoners

It’s not Commitment that Men are Afraid of

Recently, several of my female friends have been complaining that their significant others are afraid of commitment. Men are not afraid of commitment — well, a few are, but mostly “commitment” is not the real hang-up. So ladies, he here’s what he’s really afraid of:

1. You will stop wanting sex with him, then

2. You will stop having sex with him

3. You will get fat

4. You will stop wanting to go out and have fun

5. You will throw out, or make him get rid of, his favorite shirt, chair, porno, etc.

6. You will ignore him to spend time with the kids, because

7. You will love the kids more than him

8. You will stop getting all dressed, just for him

9. You will become crotchety and bitchy

10. You will stop taking care of yourself

11. You will start ordering him around

12. You will blame everything on him

13. You will try to change him

14. You will make him (explicitly or implicitly) stop hanging out with the guys

15. You will start buying your underwear at Walmart

16. You will stop having sex with him (did I mention that already?)

And why is it that men are afraid of these things? Look around. If you live in North America or Britain at least, you won’t have to look very hard for your answer.

13 Comments

  • Matt
    Posted January 7, 2008 at 6:35 am | Permalink

    Ah, Kavan’s triumphant return. Its all true dude, I dont like committing mostly because i have a nasty habit of never picking up the phone and she reads it as neglect. If i dont commit, i cant be flagged.

  • Angelika
    Posted January 8, 2008 at 7:05 am | Permalink

    Truly pathetic. Especially the porn thing, which is the only commitment man CAN make, in fact.

  • Kim
    Posted January 8, 2008 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

    Ladies, this is why you should be crotchety and bitchy from the get go. That way, your perpetually gorgeous (never balding) and always faithful man will not be disappointed when you can’t shed the pounds from popping out his kids.

  • Kavan Wolfe
    Posted January 10, 2008 at 12:05 am | Permalink

    @Kim and Angelika,

    I’m just trying to give insight into the common man’s mind. Don’t blame me if you’re not impressed with how this half of the species thinks. The first step to addressing a problem is understanding it, not calling it pathetic.

  • Angelika
    Posted January 10, 2008 at 2:15 am | Permalink

    Please, notice, that I did not call any problem pathetic. I don’t see a problem there, all I see is a man whining about having a relationship and not liking one bit of it, unless there is lots of sex in it.
    What I called pathetic is that list of yours. You have very high expectations and I just hope you are as gorgeous and faithful as Kim pointed out you would have to be to impose all those expectations on your partner.

  • H
    Posted January 10, 2008 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    Perfectly reasonable. That’s whay the women disagree.

    Oooh boy. I’ll get flamed for that one….

    … but bring it on.

    You’ll most definitely prove me right about my opinions on the way women think.

  • Posted January 10, 2008 at 3:08 pm | Permalink

    Oh, what a vicious cycle. Walmart does suck though.

    A girlfriend initially believes that she can overlook the things she doesn’t actually like about her boyfriend (this could be anything from sex to his bathroom wallpaper). Eventually she realizes she can’t, but by then she has made The Commitment. She feels trapped, therefore she feels depressed, therefore about half the symptoms on your list.

    A man has two primary examples of women in his life: his girlfriend, and his mother. As the relationship goes on, he sees his girlfriend becoming more and more like his mother. After all, his mother must once have been his father’s girlfriend, until the same thing happened to her. And no matter how strongly a man feels about his mother, he doesn’t want to date her (most men, anyway).

    Women are more willing to compromise than men are. The girlfriend feels she is compromising on a lot of things for her boyfriend, so he should compromise for her–hence the favorite shirt, chair, porno, and buddies. When he turns out to be more stubborn that that, her reaction is to stop compromising for him–the going out, the sexy underwear, the dressing up.

    A woman also feels that she needs to do more work when pursuing/dating a man than when she has reasonable assurance she’s already got him.

    It’s okay. The whole dating world is just fucked up, whether you’re gay or straight.

  • FireZs
    Posted July 10, 2008 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    Men aren’t afraid of commitment; they’re afraid of commitment TO YOU.

  • Posted July 11, 2008 at 9:39 am | Permalink

    @Kee, you make good points, but I don’t think you can justify “Women are more willing to compromise than men are.”

    @FireZs, you who? Me? Being a straight male, that’s not really my concern.

  • Gmouse
    Posted September 5, 2010 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    Not all men are the same, but now that I am divorcing my husband of 17 years, this is my response to the 16 statements made by Kavan.
    I am responding to the statements with my future EX in mind….

    1. I wanted to have sex with him…ached for him, in fact…until he shut Me out after the birth of our son. He rejected me emotionally, and left me to deal with sever depression on my own.

    2. I didn’t stop having sex with him. I did, however go thru the motions and “submit” to him, because he would throw a tantrum like a child if I didn’t…

    3. I did gain some weight after two children…but he put on 30 pounds as well.

    4. I never stopped wanting to go out and have fun….He stopped being fun to go out with.

    5. I have NEVER thrown out anything of his….

    6. I don’t ignore him to spend time with the kids. I ignore him because he is an asshole.

    7. I DO love the kids more than him…because they love me in return no matter what, and don’t have expectations that I can’t possibly live up to.

    8. When I was depressed, I did stop getting dressed up. I even stopped wearing makeup to work…I could barely get out of bed. It wasn’t about HIM.

    9. I became withdrawn and quiet.

    10. I stopped wearing makeup, but always keep myself clean in all areas, if you know what I mean…
    HE was the one who decided it was OK to stop brushing his teeth at night, not wash his privates, then expect ME to jump him and lick the piss off of his dick. Of course, he says its MY FAULT for not reminding him…. (WTH?) NASTY!

    11. He is free to do what he wants, and he does exactly that. I am not bossy.

    12. He is only half to blame for what went wrong between us.

    13. I was hoping and praying…….I completely changed who I was and how I acted, hoping he would respect me and love me again…He didn’t change.

    14. He could go “out with the guys” whenever he wanted….I never stopped him.

    15. No Walmart undies…..But his tightie whites leave a lot to be desired?

    16. I finally did stop having sex with him. My vibrator was a better lover.

  • Celeste
    Posted October 12, 2010 at 7:57 am | Permalink

    Not all men are the same, but now that I am divorcing my husband of 17 years, this is my response to the 16 statements made by Kavan.
    I am responding to the statements with my future EX in mind….
    1. I wanted to have sex with him…ached for him, in fact…until he shut Me out after the birth of our son. He rejected me emotionally, and left me to deal with sever depression on my own.
    2. I didn’t stop having sex with him. I did, however go thru the motions and “submit” to him, because he would throw a tantrum like a child if I didn’t…
    3. I did gain some weight after two children…but he put on 30 pounds as well.
    4. I never stopped wanting to go out and have fun….He stopped being fun to go out with.
    5. I have NEVER thrown out anything of his….
    6. I don’t ignore him to spend time with the kids. I ignore him because he is an asshole.
    7. I DO love the kids more than him…because they love me in return no matter what, and don’t have expectations that I can’t possibly live up to.
    8. When I was depressed, I did stop getting dressed up. I even stopped wearing makeup to work…I could barely get out of bed. It wasn’t about HIM.
    9. I became withdrawn and quiet.
    10. I stopped wearing makeup, but always keep myself clean in all areas, if you know what I mean…
    HE was the one who decided it was OK to stop brushing his teeth at night, not wash his privates, then expect ME to jump him and be totally into it. Of course, he said its MY FAULT for not reminding him…. (Is he a 5 year old?) NASTY!
    11. He is free to do what he wants, and he does exactly that. I am not bossy.
    12. He is only half to blame for what went wrong between us.
    13. I was hoping and praying…….I completely changed who I was and how I acted, hoping he would respect me and love me again…He didn’t change.
    14. He could go “out with the guys” whenever he wanted….I never stopped him.
    15. No Walmart undies…..But his tightie whites leave a lot to be desired?
    16. I finally did stop having sex with him. My vibrator was a better lover.

    Leave a comment

  • Erikka
    Posted November 15, 2010 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    Not all men are the same, but now that I am divorcing my husband of 17 years, this is my response to the 16 statements made by Kavan.
    I am responding to the statements with my future EX in mind….

    1. I wanted to have sex with him…ached for him, in fact…until he shut Me out after the birth of our son. He rejected me emotionally, and left me to deal with sever depression on my own.
    2. I didn’t stop having sex with him. I did, however go thru the motions and “submit” to him, because he would throw a tantrum like a child if I didn’t…
    3. I did gain some weight after two children…but he put on 30 pounds as well.
    4. I never stopped wanting to go out and have fun….He stopped being fun to go out with.
    5. I have NEVER thrown out anything of his….
    6. I don’t ignore him to spend time with the kids. I ignore him because he is an asshole.
    7. I DO love the kids more than him…because they love me in return no matter what, and don’t have expectations that I can’t possibly live up to.
    8. When I was depressed, I did stop getting dressed up. I even stopped wearing makeup to work…I could barely get out of bed. It wasn’t about HIM.
    9. I became withdrawn and quiet.
    10. I stopped wearing makeup, but always keep myself clean in all areas, if you know what I mean…
    HE was the one who decided it was OK to stop brushing his teeth at night, not wash his privates, then expect ME to jump him and lick the piss off of his dick. Of course, he says its MY FAULT for not reminding him…. (WTH?) NASTY!
    11. He is free to do what he wants, and he does exactly that. I am not bossy.
    12. He is only half to blame for what went wrong between us.
    13. I was hoping and praying…….I completely changed who I was and how I acted, hoping he would respect me and love me again…He didn’t change.
    14. He could go “out with the guys” whenever he wanted….I never stopped him.
    15. No Walmart undies…..But his tightie whites leave a lot to be desired….
    16. I finally did stop having sex with him. My vibrator was a better lover.

  • alice
    Posted November 21, 2011 at 11:25 am | Permalink

    Hi Erikka.
    i just wanted to say you sealed the conversation, to me it seemed that the other comments where just words with no actual arguement or sense behind them. Thanks for stoping a converstion that was going nowhere with your story.
    good luck to you sincerly Alice

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