I haven’t been posting lately because I’ve been at a family reunion. Luckily, the reunion has given me a few posts’ worth of unexpected material. To begin, I am sick and tired of macho men who don’t know dick all about what it takes to be a real man. Allow me to elaborate:
Macho men drive Hummers.
Real men don’t feel the need to compensate for their low self esteem with a huge unwieldy gas guzzling road monster.
Macho men know how to kill an enemy with a gun.
Real men know how to kill an enemy with a sword. Any idiot can use a gun.
Macho men shave with a motorized, six-blade super razor with hair-raising bristles and a moisturizing strip.
Real men shave with a badger hair brush and a safety razor.
Macho men brag about how big their cocks are.
Real men know how to use their equipment, regardless of its size.
Macho men take steroids to get huge muscles.
Real men know steroids cause impotence.
Macho men think dancing is for sissies.
Real men know that women equate dancing skills with sexual prowess.
Macho men think their leaders need the balls to go to war against dangerous enemies.
Real men think their leaders need the intelligence to keep wars unnecessary.
Macho men surround themselves with powerful things (cars, speakers, boats, etc.) to attract women.
Real men attract women with the power inside them.
Macho men drive drunk because they think they can hold their liquor.
Real men hide their drunk friends’ keys so they don’t end up dead.
Macho men smoke cuban cigars.
Real men realize that cancer is tougher than they are.
Macho men know how to use a chainsaw.
Real men prefer the trees alive.
Macho men watch sports with their buddies on the weekend.
Real men play sports with their buddies on the weekend.
Macho men say they don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.
Real men know that if everyone thinks you’re an asshole, it’s time to act differently.
Macho men feel better by comparing themselves to less fortunate people.
Real men feel better by helping less fortunate people.
Macho men define their egos around the girls they screw, the size of their muscles and the things that they’ve bought.
Real men define their egos around the people who love them, the power inside them, the money they’ve saved and their contributions to humanity.